Constantly reminded I'm just a time filler.
I know I'm nothing compared.

Thank you.

Dreamt again.

This time, along with some others, I was made to face some snakes. The snakes were hidden and we would have to find them and deal with them. When it was my turn, I couldn't see any snakes but I ended up being bitten twice and collapsed. I didn't even know I was bitten and I was drifting in and out of consciousness in the dream. I almost died. Feefee even bought kueh kueh for me to eat. Sheesh. I don't eat kueh kueh ok!! -.-

Been dizzy-ing tired these days . Literally. Work has drained me but I was glad that I managed to attend Thursday's party. My BFF always spin awesome music when I'm not going. SO EVIL RIGHT!!



Hey Little Sunshine, I think about you all the time.

I miss you.

Dearest Roz,

Thank you for being my first friend in MOT. You have made days going to work looked forward to. Somehow you always shine, the brightest smile you could ever give. The sincerity piercing in everything you do. The way you hop around with your petite frame (I know you will scream, "I'm big okay!" with your arms stretched out in a sumo stance.) in oversized scrubs always made me admire the happiness that emits from you. You weren't arrogant or the slightest proud although you have been better trained elsewhere. Your big heart has given me warmth in the fridge of a place we work at.

Although I haven't known you for long but you have touched me without doing anything special. You were special on your own. I'm sorry I didn't visit you. Being new, I'm pretty much ignored in these matters. I'll always remember you. The time we spent together, the things you have so patiently taught me and your positiveness in everything you do.

Thank you for being who you are and for being in my life. Although minimal, it made the most impact in me. I wish it was all a mistake. That you weren't who they are talking about but I know you are now in a better place. You are well taken care of now.

Rest in peace, my little sunshine.
You will always be in my heart.

My thoughts have made me lose sleep yesterday night and going to work without much sleep is so exhausting. I have always known that it will be myself killing me in the end and most probably over nothing as well.

Work has been though exhausting but pretty fulfilling. I have even dug out my old textbooks and lecture notes trying to recall all that was taught then. My lousy memory doesn't help at all. I'm afraid that I may not be able to perform as expected soon enough. Stressed. -.- Too many details to remember.

Haven't seen the kias for what seems like a very very long time when actually its just less than a week. =(((

DEARESTS! Wait for me okay!
Give me a week to get used to early days and maybe I can do more than lying on my sofa after I get home. =D

Miss u all.

Gonna sleep now. Hopefully Zhou Gong takes fancy of me tonight.

It seems sturdy. Come rain, come shine. Useful and never too far out of reach. A shield against the elements while it lasts.

While it lasts.

We tell ourselves not to sink. Better than anyone else, we know we have already drowned. It waits for the thunder storm which renders us helpless and totally battered when they find a shelter more durable and lasting. Discarded, it is laid to rot and disintegrate.

We have nothing to lose. Just our cardboard hearts,

nothing yet everything.

Sitting here alone, trying to not smoke which leads to an urge to get something to chew while waiting for a call or even a text that may not come is killing me.

I feel like crap.

Days at home has become increasingly unbearable. Maybe its the lack of ownership. The frustration that just being at home can cause. Lighted fuse and buried mines. Ready to burst into flames with just a wrong word used. Its not helping.

I no longer have the patience to try and turn the conversation around. Save the situation and make the moods lighter. I no longer care enough to do it anymore. I know she cares and loves me. I love her too. Its just that I do not know how much longer before it is all burnt out.

Perhaps when I start working again, things would be better. When time at home is lesser. That way, I see and hear less. That way, what I wouldn't know wouldn't affect.

Where's home?

Bring me home.

It has started to hurt.

It hasn't been long but I am already starting to hurt. My thoughts have started to kill me. Its not anyone else but me who wouldn't let myself off.

Times when I stay silent while you spoke on the phone, it makes me a sinner. As tears rolled down our faces, I know its already too late to pull over or escape.

I'm a mistake that we both regret.
I'm scared of pain.

Things I would never thought doing, I did. Things that seem so wrong, seemed so right then. One to the other, diving into a mess which I know would end up with nothing.

How did it end up like this. I will kill myself with my thoughts. I am but a child in your eyes. My childish behaviour and playful ways.

Tell me what do you intend to do. Can we always remain status quo? If yes, it will be all I want.

Sleep that night away.

My BFF cursed me. If I did not take the last bus home, I will lose everything I own, money or properties at Monopoly Deal everytime. HOW CAN?!??!!!

So now I'm on the bus. Told her that I'd missed the bus. Well, technically, I did. I missed the 2338 bus. I'm on the 2346 bus. Heh.

Okay. I wanted to write about my dreams.

Been watching too much of Dexter lately. For those who doesn't know the show, it's about this forensic who's also a serial killer but he only kills serial killers or those who got away with their crimes and deserved to die. So in season 1, he was in search for the 'ice truck killer'. Who kills his victims, drains their blood, cuts them into parts and packages them before rearranging it around under christmas trees, hockey rings and swimming pools.

I dreamt that I was walking around looking for body parts. I wasn't the killer, neither the police. In the dream, it was somewhat a scavenger hunt. I'd found about 10 locations with body parts, hanging off trees or neatly arranged somewhere. When I do, I mark off a list and move on. Not afraid, not disgusted.

Am I human?

We'd talked about it and I remembered I used to fly in my dreams so often when I was younger. I would start with floating and as I got older, I learned to navigate and managed to fly to anywhere I'd wanted to go. That feeling was so awesome, I'd remember going to bed wishing I would fly in my dreams. Years passed and I never flew again.

Have realising reality took my wings away?

If a dream is a wish the heart makes, I need to drink yo! BFF! Drinks yo!!!