To Put One Brick Upon Another

To put one brick upon another,
Add a third and then a forth,
Leaves no time to wonder whether
What you do has any worth.

But to sit with bricks around you
While the winds of heaven bawl
Weighing what you should or can do
Leaves no doubt of it at all.

-- Philip Larkin


Have faith in whatever you do.
Do not allow uncertainty to get into your way. More importantly, listen to your heart and believe in your choice, my friend.

I was just wondering if you would miss the places we used to go, the fun we used to have, the laughter we used to share, the dreams we used to picture and the rides we used to take.

For tonight, I miss them. Or rather, it is you whom I miss.

There are people around us who constantly receive discrimination and exclusion from the society. To list a few, PLUs, ex-convicts, trans, early age pregnancy, etc are often the ones seeking acceptance. Here's a poem I tried to compose that depicts a situtaion like this. The writing is not well done but the idea is there.

The Forgotten Ones

Sam who got into a nasty fight
Was cuffed and sentenced to years of five
Locked up in a cell, he sees no light
He regretted for the action that ruined his life

Upon his release,
He tried to move on strong
Only to realise,
The world treated him as though he doesn’t belong

Jane got herself pregnant at a young fine age
She was never forgiven as people see it as an outrage
With just one wrong that she has done
Her future seems to collapse at the count of one

Their hopes and dreams are taken away
As the cruel world turn a deaf ear to what they say
We never knew our words and rejections could hurt
Causing them to bare the pain and their cries unheard

The world has been ignoring, pretending that we can’t see
Labeling them as misfits, and never to set them free
But why should we make them shoulder the blame
When deep inside, we’re not that different in fact the same

To understand and accept everyone
It’s easier said than done
But if we try to face each other with an open heart
Perhaps we can keep the world together, never apart

Red is the colour of love we get,
Giving us the memories we won't forget.
Looking into the eyes of the one who sleeps beside,
You want this love to stay with you, always by your side.

Blue is the disappointments we have in life,
Don't take them too hard, accept the hurt and strife.
Keep the faith going, along the way we try.
Face the failures with the courage and never to cry.

Black is the deep emotions, the pain hidden behind.
Coloured by the regrets and stories we can't rewind.
Wipe the tears off the cheeks and let them go,
Allow the dark thoughts to subside and forget the woe.

Yellow is the happiness we all yearn for.
We should spread the laughters to many other more.
In times of sadness when we are feeling low,
Yellow is the colour we all need to know.

You walked with me, footprints in the sand
And helped me understand where I'm going
You walked with me when I was all alone
With so much I know along the way
Then I heard you say

I promise you, I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I'll carry you when you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

I see my life flash across the sky
So many times have I been so afraid
And just when I have thought I lost my way
You give me strength to carry on
That's when I heard you say

I promise you, I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
And I'll carry you when you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

When I'm weary, well, I know you'll be there
And I can feel you when you say

I promise you, I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sadness and despair
I'll carry you when you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

-- Leona Lewis: Footprints in the Sand

This song has been around for quite some time. I'm not a fan of Leona Lewis, but many of her songs gave me the urge to loop it over several times on my phone. This song is no exception. It spun memories out of their burials, reminding me of times I once treasured.

I searched deep in me in the attempt to pen down some genuine reflection, only to realised inside me was pretty much empty. Probably due to the mad rush of assignments and tests, I felt mentally drained. Other than feeling the exhaustion of energy, there's nothing left in me.

The opposite of joy is not sorrow, but the numbness of heart that makes is incapable of feeling. Suffering hardens our hearts, making us oblivious to any events happening in life. This is freaking me. It's like living each day with detachment.

Not knowing how to continue, I shall end this post with a quote from an article I came across recently:
"Sorrow can also sometimes hollow us out so that we are capable of a deeper joy. It can break our hearts of stone and give us hearts of flesh. When you wish to make meat tender, then sometimes you must hammar out the knots in it."
(Timonthy Radcliffe OP)

These days I'm hooked on beer, or rather just Blanc and Erdinger. Drinking at least once a week makes me yearn for more, despite knowing it is bad for my pocket (and health).

My new semester has long begun. 7 weeks had passed, leaving lots of back log waiting for me to clear them 1 by 1. Time management is never my forte, my lazy bones just wouldn't start getting down to work until the eleventh hour. The chase for qualification is dreading me, but on the contrary, I still enjoy being a student.

Recently, my chats with a buddy seemed to be always on our dreams and future. As much as we tried to work towards a brighter future, we felt dishearten with the fact that we had not accomplished anything at this age. Although this is not disgraceful, I felt we are doing a disservice to our lives. It's time to get down to serious business and not merrying our time away.

We may have painted a beautiful picture of our future, but I'm sure we've the will and way to make it happen. It's not too late for a change.

Since the beginning of the term, I felt the struggle. But I thought if I just put in more effort, I should be able to make it thru. Now, I'm scared. I'm scared to see the failure coming. The stake is too big, I cannot lose and am not allowed to.

I don't know if I have reached my limit. Maybe I'm just not fit to be studying there. Maybe I'm forcing a hat too big for my head on me. There's no turning back now and I'm prepared for the worst.

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

I shall hold on to this belief tonight till I get my work done. It has been a hectic week, filled with 2 tests and 2 assignment deadlines. I'm down with the last one, but I'm too beaten to continue.

Coffee, chocolates and cigarettes are my late night companies. Yet they seemed to have lost their effect in keeping me awake. I need better ways to keep my eyes wide.

Blogging at this hour implies that I'm staying up tonight. There is a pressing need for me to complete at least half of the essay assignment before the sun rises. This seems like a mission impossible for me when my free-flow of inspiration is not made available for me.

The years of paper chase are wearing me down. The blows of tests and exams, together with the assignments mad rush, drained me mentally and physically. 24 hours a day is definitely not enough, but the sun just wouldn't take a day off, neither would Earth be tired of spinning.

I've yet to figure out what time I'll be able to get my rest, when I've lessons tomorrow and a good 5 chapters on Algebra to study for. Great! Let's pray that my snores won't fill the lecture threatre tomorrow.