met a friend who read my blog and was concerned about...
she an Indonesian from Indonesia and she made time to meet me..
she wanted to know how I was coping but I belief she knew I was trying very hard to stay cool and hide..
she knew I was fighting my tears back when I was trying to convince her and myself that I am picking myself up one step at a time...
I know that here, this blog space, is the only space which allow me to say how I feel..
I cant talk to anyone about how I feel about someone who has cheated on me three times..
I feel stupid to be still feeling so much for her... WTF
Is she worth my love and my hearrt??

there's so many unanswered questions...
there's so many doubts...
doubts which bring so many unwanted questions which I am afraid to know...
I want to move on but I cant...
I want to love again without doubts and fear...
but there's not regret to have loved her...
wished it was permanent... guess nothing last...

how can you love another when you have given everything to her?
the pain I still can't forget but I want to..
I want to learn to love someone again..but am afraid..
I allow her to come into my life again after the pain but I was stupid to let it happened..
not once but twice.. how stupid I can be to let it happen again..
now she wants to come back to my life but cant say the word " I love you" to me...
how obvious would that be?? but should I stay blind??